COMMENTARY
By Elyse Moreau
Cathy, I can see and understand your post here, but I think that many people, especially in the case of the recent bullying that has been presented to the BOE have taken all the necessary steps to present their issue to the town. The McClain family have executed what I see as an exhaustive patience in addition to the proper level of respect towards all elected officials involved. I think all the recent outrage is justified as a result of our elected officials not holding up their end of the bargain. How can you say that this frustration is "misplaced"? In what way? Are our actions “misplaced” in saying that every child has the right to a safe learning environment? Were the actions of the McClain family “misplaced” when they followed the proper guidelines for addressing their concern with bullying to the Middletown Board of Education? It is not like Monique went to the Board of Education and said she wanted to be switched to another school just for the heck of it, she did so because she fears for what will happen if she doesn't; I know everyone is thinking it, so I'm just going to say it, she is fearing for her life.
To have our elected officials blatantly disregard this petition and request is such a huge disparity. Elected to protect and serve the interests of the people, but when it comes down to actually putting this into practice, it "can't be done" and "isn't feasible". Looks like a few people need to review their job descriptions and learn how to actually “do” their job. It is not those standing up to all of these organizations that have misplaced actions, it is you my friend. Your post in of itself has trivialized the situation that the McClain's are facing. Your slogan of “Want to stop bullying? Be Kind. And Say Thank you", has already been employed. I believe that the McClain’s have been overly kind and respectful to the Board of Education under the circumstances, and I'm pretty sure Monique said "thank you" at the end of her petition speech to the BOE. Where has that gotten us? Neither the bullies nor the Board of Education have conceded, as a matter of fact it is getting harder to tell the difference. How dare you defend leaders that have been elected that continue to not do their job. As far as the little money they are getting paid, remember that their salary comes directly from the tax payer's pocket. As far as I'm concerned, any elected official should represent their constituency because it is a privilege, not because they could make money or gain additional contacts (those that fit this description are few and far between). In light of recent circumstances, it doesn't seem like anyone making major decisions on this case should be receiving compensation; compensation is something you receive for doing your job well and to the best of your ability, neither of which are being done. Figure out if our elected officials are filling both of these duties and then talk to me about their pay.
As far as “sticking their necks out” in this recent bullying case, I’m not certain that the majority of people following this case would agree with you. As a matter of fact, I’m going to go ahead and take a chance on saying that the majority would not. If there had been any demonstration of this at the last meeting, we would have seen someone take a risk that went against the grain of “proper political policy”, and that really took the situation of Monique and the McClain family to heart. Contrary to what might be believed about my above comments, I can safely say that I still respect (in essence) the position of the members of the Middletown Board of Education. However, respect is something that is earned, and as far as I can see, they have not earned my respect in this most recent case presented to them, and it will remain that way until they choose to act in a way that merits respect from the local Middletown citizens.
In all fairness, setting a good example of kindness is not enough to solve the issue of respect that must be established in our schools. I think you were on to something though when you said, “If we care about creating cultures of respect...we need to start with the adults in charge.” Why should students in our schools care about respecting each other if their paid, elected local leaders cannot even respect them (the students)? That is a great question, I’m so glad you brought it up, and I’m still waiting for the answer. This is not to go without saying that the private and public schools of Middletown (or another other town for that matter) are running rampant with disrespect, but you see my point. So until things can once again be addressed at the March BOE meeting, here are my amendments to your proposed bullying solution: “Want Less Bullying? Be Firm. And Say No, Thank You”; let’s be firm in asking the Board of Education in Middletown to find a way to meet the needs of the McClain family and alleviate the stress and anxiety they are under. Let’s ask them to set a precedent in addressing bullying in our schools, and to adopt a “no tolerance” policy, and commit to put it into action. And in the meantime, continue to petition them on a regular basis, and continue to say “no, thank you” to all alternatives presented to solve the situation, other than the ones that we know are right and just.
3 comments:
I was not making any comment about a specific case of bullying in my Be Kind post--I do not know Monique or her family's specific situation. I do believe you when you say that they have had a hard time being treated fairly because of bullying in our schools (schools everywhere) has been a highly charged issue and not usually handled well by the adults in charge--it's just not in Middletown either. I've witnessed it and gotten no where myself on this issue when I was involved in the public schools.
My post was only inspired by a UTube video I received from IDS and wanted to share it with the Eye's readership. I have only noticed that sometimes we on this blog are not very kind to our public officials--deserved sometimes, but often undeserved. In my "Be Kind" article I was only trying to honor the public service of a few of our commissions and ask our readership to try to be kind, in general, and kind to the people who are supporting democracy, in particular. They do a lot of work for nothing. Have you been to a P&Z or Inland Wetlands meeting lately? Do you know that Joe Carta has served as our city's IW chairman for like over 20 years, for no stipend? That's pretty remarkable. So honoring these good people and asking us to be kinder in general to those who serve was my only intention. I was not trying to comment about a specific family's situation.
And what you probably do not know about me is that for 4 years I was the president of the Middletown Schools Association and one of my "issues" was asking the administration in charge at the time to improve training for both parents and adults as well as students around short-curcuiting bullying, improving the adult response to bullying, and getting better behavior management training for our teachers who are often using really damaging techniques for behavior in the classrooms, that sort of creates a culture of "relational aggression" (I'm talking about stopping the use of public shaming as a tool for behavior management in the classrooms.) I was "sand-bagged" in my efforts by administrators at the time as a parent to get anywhere on that issue. So I really do care and have worked hard to get some action on this issue within the administration for years. Some progress has been made since then but not enough.
I need to share with you that I feel you are being unkind to me and twisting my intentions by posting your opinions about my article on the blog as a new article to call attention to your opinions instead of posting under the comments of my post, as most people do, and making it seem like I was making an editorial about a specific family's situation, which I was not. It makes me feel uncomfortable that you have forced your opinions in this way versus a way that is normally used on the Eye. It makes me feel uncomfortable when you do this and that you assumed that my post had anything specific to do with a family's situation that I do not know specifics about. I feel it was damaging to my personal reputation the way you have gone about sharing your feelings about my post. That is how your post has made me feel.
So can we try to be kinder to one another in the future? The culture of respect and civility we are so desperate for starts with us, the adults. And I am happy to email with you privately in the future about this and maybe we can work together on getting some more positive responses from our schools about creating a culture of "No Mean-ness is Allowed". I'm willing to keep working on that issue because I do care and agree with you that these situations are not usually handled well at all.
Can we please start the culture of respect and kindness here?
Cathy
Wow! this is absurd. Cathy, when you included the Board of Education in your comments for kindness, you deservedly brought on the response. The p&Z commission and Inland Wetlands are both very important commissions with dedicated members. HOWEVER, in my lifetime in Middletown, I have never seen a Board of Education so inept, so belligerent, so unwilling to hear any suggestion for improvement. The staff at the BOE have held open meetings to discuss the problems with the BOE administration, the unions have tried to talk to them, the parents have joined in on these discussions and not one change has come from it. We are saddled with aggressive, uncompromising, inept administration led by equally unfeeling and inept BOE members. To have a be kind to them day is just wrong. Please separate the deserved groups of commissions throughout the City and the problem groups like the Board of Education. We need to bring back John Shaw, Barbara Weiss and many many others who really cared about the community and deserved our thanks.
You were not unfairly treated by the Eye, just called on the carpet for not understanding the issues that have plagued our school system recently.
Cathy, you asked whether we could have more civility and kindness...and some people clearly say no. But I just wanted you to know that I say YES, and I agree with you that people who serve on these commissions deserve our respect. I say that as someone who has both served and been a vocal protester on many issues. On the other hand, it's hard to respect someone who attacks you, and then doesn't sign their name.
On the issue of why the response to your post was not just a comment, that's different - when you write something on the eye and someone posts a long response, we sometimes make it a separate post. I don't know if that's what happened in this case, but since she signed her name, I can see why it would appear as its own commentary. Hopefully she will acknowledge that she misread your purpose in posting the video - and understand that you have been fighting for these very issues for a long, long time.
-Jen Alexander
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