Saturday, February 12, 2011

Mother of Bullied Daughter Responds

First let me say 'Thank You."
 
Thank you all for your support & concern for my Daughter Monique.
 
Where do I even start?

Tuesday evening when Monique, my Mother Alexa & I went to the BOE meeting, we knew there were going to be tears. While waiting for our three minutes, I knew Monique was very nervous. Never had she spoken in public. She's a very shy & private girl who makes me so very proud.
 
This whole bullying thing has continued since Sept 7, 2010 and is so very sad to me. I feel like I'm at a loss right now. My job is to protect my Daughter at all times so in a way I feel like I've let her down. You send your child out the door 5 days a week to attend school which is supposed to be the next safest place-in my eyes. Yet those 5 days are the worst times in her life right now. There's not one person at Woodrow Wilson Middle School who can stop the bullying on their time. I just don't get it!  So my Daughter has to suffer because no one wants to do the right thing and remove the bullies. Right now, all I'm looking for is a Tutor until the BOE finds a new school for Monique, at their expense. My child needs a fresh start ASAP.
 
As I sit here and read all of your comments, I have a knot in my throat and of course, tears. What do I do??? Is there anybody who can help Monique? Did my Mother & I miss something? What aren't we doing right? Who else are we supposed to contact? I just don't get it!  So many tears we have cried, together and alone, yet nothing has changed. I lay down next to Monique at night, holding her and telling her that no matter how long it takes, we're going to make it stop. But at the same time I can't tell her WHEN it's going to stop.
 
The friends Monique has from Kindergarten, the ones that she really thought would be there for her, NOW say "You have all these people defending you but you won't fight. Yeah. So I can't be your friend if you won't fight". She really feels alone now.

Our family has such a long paper trail, back to the very first day it all started, over a HAIRSTYLE!! Yes, a hairstyle that a bully wore first. Ironically, the bully who started all this moved to New Britain in October! But before she moved, she had recruited a bunch of girls but, like an infestation, the numbers kept growing with new girls. She can no longer walk down the hallways without someone calling her a 'pig',  or saying she's ugly, or that she looks like a boy or your hair is nappy or your clothes are dirty. They tripped her, threw things at her, poured syrup in her hair, threw food in her face & what is really sad to me is that Monique sat there the whole time while this was being done, too embarrassed to get up in front of everyone & walk away.
 
My child is beautiful, has clean clothes, with hair down to her butt; so my guess is they're all just jealous. What else could it be? She's never been in a fight, never had a detention and she is a really good kid. Monique is not disrespectful at all and has manners. These kids who bully her need to leave her the hell alone!
 
After the BOE Meeting, I got a mesage from one bully saying, "I'm so sorry. I just saw Monique on TV. I had no idea she felt tht way. When I go back to school tomorrow I'm going to tell everyone, even my friends, to stop bullying her. Well, I don't know what happened the next day at school, Wednesday, what that child said, but everyone is now calling Monique a 'snitch' again for going to the BOE Meeting and speaking, even trhough she never said any of their names. I was told that 4 more girls who had nothing to do with this, now want to fight  Monique. Like what? Are you kidding me?  They want to label Monique a snitch because she comes home and tells me how her day went and I always address it?  If that's a snitch, then so be it.
 
Regarding the threatening messages that Monique received, my Daughter set up that account back in 2009 and as soon as she told me, (she never asked me) I told her I didn't want her to have one! Monique's last status was dated 9/11/09 and it said: "Luv my Life".
 
The message that Ed typed for you to read was off of that status.  I didn't know how to delete the page. That's why it's still up there.
 
I could write all day, but you can get the sense of what we are dealing with and all I would like is for my child to be able to go to school and be safe while she is there.  She's already missed out on alot of her school activities, dances, the basketball games - because of course she didn't want to deal with the bullies after school so she just took the bus home.
 
Some of you ask where the parents are. Your guess is as good as mine. It does say alot about the household they are running. I know that.
 
My Mother and I were told that if we kept Monique out of school, be prepared for DCF to come knocking at my door. On Wednesday, my Mother and I went down to DCF with our paper trail in hand. The woman at DCF said we really had nothing to worry about and we were doing the right thing if the school could not protect my Daughter. That was nice to hear.
 
So, where do we go from here? I guess we have to wait for the BOE to respond. They have 20 days to call a meeting and then they have another 5 days to implement the solution. I think that's too long.  But who am I?  Just a concerned mother who needs answers and help for my daughter!
 
Once again, Thank You to everyone for your kind words.
 
I don't see the light right now but I sure hope there is one at the end ot this tunnel.
 
Alycia M McClain
Monique's Mom

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is it possible to file a complaint with DCF on the school system? How about on the bullies parents? If schools can get DCF involved in the lives of parents I honestly see no reason for parents not to get DCF involved in the schools. They have as much of an obligation as the parents to protect and nurture children. Since the majority of bullies do have issues at home, if the bullying was to the point of being physical, as a parent trying to protect my children, I would have to consider reporting the parents. Apparently something is missing in their parenting.

The only thing I have to wonder is what elementary school are these kids from. Is there one school in particular that these kids are coming from? This could point to bullying not being appropriately dealt with in elementary school, there for having these students feel that it is ok to continue acting as such.

I have 3 boys of my own. In school I was bullied, and I fought back. I have to say from experience that not fighting back only makes it worse. Bullies need to know that you are not going to sit there and take it and the sooner that they know that (the moment the action occurs is best) the less they act. Unfortunately the schools teach not to fight back. This solves nothing.

My oldest has dealt with bullies and he is in FIRST grade! Our reply to them is to A-tell an adult B-CONFRONT! If neither if these work I am not beyond finding the parents and let them know what is going on.

Bravo to you! You might also want to look into the Homeschooling laws in CT. The school system will tell you alot of garbage about them, but CT is very homeschool friendly. All you have to do if notify that you are taking her out of school and are going to be educating her. You don't have to supply a plan or anything. Check out the Connecticut Homeschool Network for more information.

John Milardo said...

Why isn't the BOE taking care of Monique? Are the punks rights more important to the administrators than a non-trouble making student? Why not remove the harassing students and place them in home schooling so other kids don't have to deal with their nonsense. It's the pack mentality: one on one, these kids are scared, that's why they banded together. The troubling issue is why they do it, and why the BOE does nothing about it.
Dr. Frechette, is this how you take care of all students? You allow a bunch of hoods to run a good person and student out of the school system? Or, is it that you find it easier to have one parent upset, instead of dealing with several disgruntled parents wno don't care what their kids are doing in or out of school.
The BOE places plenty of emphasis on "it's for the children" when they want pulbic funding. I think it's about time to use some of those funds and put the emphais on "one child at a time", Monique. Get the trouble makers out of the school system, and let their parents deal with them.
Respectfully,
John Milardo

Alexa M McClain said...

To J Shipe & J Milardo.
Let me address a couple of points:

DCF Involvement: As you can see by our history, we have approached DCF. The Supervisor was very very helpful. Since our meeting with her, she has called Alycia and informed her to see what happens at the end of the 25 days allowed the BOE to come up with a Tutor or school. If that does NOT happen, then she is to call DCF again and they will take it from there. hmmm....Enough said???

Elementary Schools: I don't know from where these bullies originated. However, I HIGHLY doubt they came from SNOW School.
My reason? Moniques's former Principal Gaundreau from Snow was so visibly upset Tuesday night at the BOE meeting that he went back to his school on Wednesday and took, I should say MADE, the time to go to every classroom and discuss the issue of Bullying. He was always a great Principal and it's obvious he still is!!

Homeschooling: Let's face it. We are not all cut out to Homeschool.
But we ALL do have the capacity to find a way to have our children educated. And that is what Alycia is determined to find.

Pack Mentality: Ironically, as I gave my presentation to the BOE this week, I explained that I've been told "usually" Tutors are provided to students who have disruptive behavior or who are disabled...of which Monigue is neither. I also pointed out that 'usually' does NOT mean only or always. I closed that issue with: Will you wait for Monique to become disabled from a beat down? or worse from a 'wolf pack' like the 13yo in Philadelphia?
We are on the same page, John.

Thanks to both of you.
Gramma

Anonymous said...

Johnny Milardo, co-author of "Bullying for Dummies " weighs in with expert perspective. God bless America!

Madam Nirvana (Molly Salafia) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madam Nirvana (Molly Salafia) said...

Jim Gaudreau is a great educator!, I had him in 7th grade and he is still a favorite because he listens. I am so glad he shared the lesson with other students! John Milardo is a father and works with kids via Park & Rec and is dedicated to Middletown, his advice and perspective is just as good as anyone else's who has posted to try and brainstorm.

Leigh said...

Mr. Gaudreau really is the greatest! My child is at Snow. I don't know how we got so lucky...

Anonymous said...

It is very easy to remove posts from one's Facebook account, and also easy to block others from having access to begin with. Take some time to read the Help and FAQs on the site, and you can remove the offensive material. Though you may want to first print it out to keep it as evidence.

Alexa M McClain said...

To: Anonymous 2/13 @ 9:58pm

Thanks for the tip.
I'll tell Alycia.

As far as the 'evidence'
Police already have it.
And Ed read it at the BOE Meeting.

Hope to say Hi to you at the next BOE Meeting 3/8/2011.

Thank you

Anonymous said...

my daughter is in Monique's homeroom and had no idea this was happening to her...I asked her does Woodrow have workshops or something to bring awareness to these kids of what bullying does to the victim...she says no...we need to show these bullyers some examples of what can happen to bullying victims i.e. Phoebe Prince...i'm sure there are programs they can bring into WWMS to teach all students the effects of bullying...Middle school is probably the best time to teach them all this....in the meantime severe discipline and required meetings with the school psychiatrist for the bullyers and their families. Maybe this is already happening I don't know but sitting by and doing nothing is completely unacceptable!! BTW Dr. Marqua is no help...I hear he doesn't discipline for anything!! The kids have no respect for him...he needs to go!

Anonymous said...

If one child hits another in self defense both are suspended. How is that rational? How does that teach self respect?
If your partner hits you as an adult would you cower and take it???
Bullies know only violence, and if kids where allowed to defend themselves there would be less bullies.
Being allowed to keep going is what fuels this.Zero Tolerance has gone too far. I agree the teachers need to wake up. Maybe shaming does work; let the student who wrote those horrible comments read them aloud to the class and be laughed at.

Unknown said...

I hate bullying. I'm an older mother with a 2 and 4 year old that used to live in Middletown...I'm glad to be out just based on the terrible reputation of the schools. I love the city, but would not want my children in that environment. I was bullied at school because I was raised Catholic and was very naive about most things. I went from and Ivy League student, to a girl who could not pass an exam. I was too scared to do anything and had 5 years of my head being shoved down toilets to name just a few tactics. The one thing I did gain is that there are signs I will watch for, I will talk to my kids and I will try my best to teach them kindness and hope that I can do all I can to ensure that they can cope with bullies and not become a bully themselves. This girl needs to be helped to have her education..not slammed for being bullied. As for the parents of the bullies...it's time to wake up and ask where you were when your kids needed to learn about human kindness...what little seems to be left of it.

Anonymous said...

Pardon my ignorance but are there public elections for BOE officials? When the bullies have the BOE afraid to do anything but hide behind their petty rules while they scramble to come up with a solution then that indicates to me it's time for them to move on and be replaced by people who can protect the kids in this town. Disgusting.

johnniequest1969@aim.com said...

Wow, I didn't know about what's happened w/Monique until I read a story about how one of my favorite fighters Sergio Martinez embraced her recently. ... I'm 40 and I remember being bullied when I was in school for silly reasons as well -- b/c I was going to a public school after being in private school so certain kids who were jealous my family could afford it were envious. We weren't rich or even well off. Both of my parents worked. And I realized those kids all wish they had what I had and the others who joined in were just followers to stupid to know wany better. ... So it was a whole lot different time then and being a boy, force was necessary so I fought. I lost some but I won most. Then again, it wasn't 20 on 1 back the way it is now ...

Is there anything I can do for Monique? Sounds like she like a sweet girl who needs cheering up. A gift card to her favorite restaurant or something like that? I work in pro sports and if she has a favorite team or player, especially if it's basketball, I might be able to help.

Be well