Popcorn by The Colonel #3

Aggressiveness; Motivation; Censorship; Olio

0 According to an official Internet site, the political class of all nations is descended from alien reptile shapeshifters who laced their DNA into ancient Babylonian kings. From them, the aggressive characteristics needed for political success have come down to our time. It sounds improbable, but it’s right there on the Internet, so it must be true. The recent revelation of the Middletown mayor’s ancestry by the Godfrey Library said nothing about such genes. Conspiracy? Relatedly, The Colonel is watching the race to succeed Senator Lieberman with great interest.

1 Some people in Middletown don’t like motivational posters in workplaces. The Colonel likes them, and demotivational posters, too, and inspirational sayings, including Murphy’s Law, “If anything can go wrong, it will,” and its redundant corollary, “at the worst possible time.”

• “To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid; one must also have good manners.”

--Voltaire, old-school motivational poster writer

2 “Teamwork. Excellence. Discipline. Service. Accountability. Attitude. Focus. Integrity. Imagination. Engagement. Leadership. Collaboration. Optimism. Trust. Courage. Opportunity. Vision. Diversity. Success. Innovation. Perseverance. Strength. Change. Challenge. Determination. Quality. Enthusiasm. Brilliance. Clarity. Achievement. Confidence. Synergy.”

--motivational poster, “The Thirty-Twofold Path.”

3 “Lead the way. Be the light. Make your mark. Walk the talk. Make it happen. Be the bridge. Dare to soar. Believe and succeed.”

--index card: “Three Little Words: Executive Success in Brief” (Don’t overlook the arresting image of the soaring bridge.)

4 More favorite Middletown workplace posters:

• “If you don’t have time to do it right the first time, when will you have time to do it over?”

• “Big Brother Is Watching You.”

• “Loose Lips Sink Careers: Keeping Trade Secrets is Everybody’s Business.”

• “Leaders Are Like Eagles: Not Found Around Here.”

• “To Get to the Top, Kiss a Lot of Bottom.”
• “You are Unique, Also Spelled ‘Fungible.’”

• “J     Is Coming. Look Busy.”

• “Some Dream of Success. Others Live to Crush Those Dreams.”

• “4 Days Without a ‘Hostile Environment’ Claim.”

• “Remember: Never Ask ‘Are Those Real?’”

5 “Keep Your Eye on the Ball, Your Shoulder to the Wheel, and Your Nose to the Grindstone. Now Try to Work in that Position.”

     6 The Colonel loves plagiarism, but  hates censorship. For example,  xxxxxxxx xxxxxx  xxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx flying pigs xxxxx xx xxxxxxxxxxx kumquats xxxxx.