Saturday, December 1, 2012

Pretty Very Little Rather

Popcorn by The Colonel #19: Special short attention span edition.

0/ Qualifiers are (paraphrase): leeches in the pond of prose, sucking the life from words. For more like this, see Strunk & White.

1/ Just got new laptop with Windows 8. Bad learning curve. Good "Windows Easy Transfer" program to help move data from old laptop to new.

2/ Another reason we don't want bees dying out is that their stings relieve arthritis.

3/ Always thought we needed east-west commercial linkage from Luce Restaurant to Midas Muffler, to break up that nasty north-south residential linkage along High, Pearl, and Broad Streets.

4/ "We deserve Chipotle" reminds one of the McDonald's slogan, "You deserve a break today." Ads that urge consumers to pamper themselves in the name of what they "deserve" are repellent.

5/ Neil Young sang, "Take my advice, don't listen to me." More recently, someone else said, "Do me a favor: don't do me any favors."

6/ A writer who said she would never marry also said, "I came out when gay and marriage went together like octopus and carriage." Elegant inelegance.

7/ Has anyone ever called Arnold Schwarzenegger "Werner von Brawn"? (Afterword: Google says The Simpsons had a character by that name. Sadly, The Colonel's plagiarism is not limited to the conscious.)

8/ Writers for the Eye are encouraged to include pictures, so here's an edifying pair:

A tabletop lectern made from cardboard boxes
shows the true Way: reduce, reuse, recycle.

A nearly waterless planet shows the true Way: conserve fresh water. Also, insist on full-strength genuine Spice.

9/ Enduring mystery: why can you get ten good pens for a dollar, but refills for better pens are six dollars each? That doesn't sound like the true Way.

10/ A Beatles tribute band played "If I Fell" on a news show. Just before the song, the segment reporter and "John" had this dialogue:

"John": "I'd like to dedicate the next song to me mum."
Reporter: "That's so sweet."
"John": "She's very important to me."
Reporter: "What's her name?"

"John": "I don't remember."

1 comment:

Middletown Eye (Ed McKeon) said...

Another great column by the Colonel.