Saturday, October 31, 2015

Not You Again -- The Colonel Carries On

“It’s Canada Geese, Not Canadian Geese. 
Don’t You Know Anything?”

by Lester M’Left and Mortimer Wright

Merriam-Webster, the quintessential American lexicography outfit, was bought out by the Encyclopedia Britannica people a few years ago, and it’s a crying shame.

But even lexicographers benefit from the occasional makeover:

“Why should we put ourselves out of our way to do anything for posterity, for what has posterity ever done for us?" --Sir Boyle Roche

“On the other hand, leaving our grandchildren a lifeless husk of a planet would be a CLASSIC prank!” --Patton Oswalt

“Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.”
--Winston Churchill

“Yeah, well, Benghazi was a swamp wrapped in a quagmire inside a [fustercluck].” --Patton Oswalt

“He’ll regret it till his dying day, if ever he lives that long.” 
--Will Danaher

“If I dropped dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.” 
--Samuel Goldwyn

“Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there.”
--Joan Baez, “Diamonds and Rust”

“It’s ten o’clock. Do you know what the translators of your books are doing? I’ll tell you what they’re doing -- they’re committing vandalism!” --Sir Harry O. Triggerman, known for believing translation is literary vandalism

“My role in the band? My role in the band, if that’s what you call it, is to come up with licks on the guitar that Mick Jagger can write songs around.” --Keith Richards

“In the gambling capital of Nevada stands a great gold tower with the word ‘TRUMP’ on its side. It is no small achievement to have created one of the tackiest things in Las Vegas.” --Jim Geraghty

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Glad he/she is back. As they said about S. J. Perleman: before they made him they broke the mold.