Mutant wild boars, morphed into demonic data harvesters,
aim to gobble up NSA and embarrasss Angela Merkel.
Everywhere are giant piggies
Playing piggy pranks
You can see them crashing weddings
Or down at the piggy banks
Paying piggy thanks
To thee pig brother
Everywhere are bristly piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Now back to advice for the lovelorn and otherwise bereft:
Q: What do all the following words have in common? Ancilla, Anguilla, Aquila, Attila, axilla, cabrilla, cedilla,chinchilla, Comilla, flotilla, gorilla, guerrilla, hydrilla, manila, Manila, mantilla, maxilla, papilla, perilla, scintilla, and vanilla. --Stumper
A: They all rhyme with megillah.
Q: What’s a megillah? --Stumper
A: A megillah is a scroll containing a book of the Jewish Bible, particularly the Book of Esther.
Q: What does the expression “the whole megillah” mean, and what’s its origin? --Hootmon Etymon
A: “The whole megillah” means “the entire scroll,” the entire book of the Bible, as distinct from a portion of the scroll that might be selected for proclamation at a liturgy, for example.
Q: That's very literal. Is there a figurative meaning, too? --Hootmon again
A: (The Colonel shrugs.) There should be only one? Figuratively, “the whole megillah” can mean “the whole thing,” "the full Cleveland," “the whole ball of wax,” as in “He came in a white hat, white suit, white shirt, white leather belt, white socks, white spats, white shoes, the whole megillah.” It can also mean “the unabbreviated account,” as in “just give me the elevator version; I don’t need the whole megillah.” The word is Hebrew.
Q: Now that Reader's Digest Condensed Books is defunct, have its internal guidelines for how to condense books been made public? --WikiLeaks
A: Not to The Colonel's knowledge, but any excuse will do for a visit to RD headquarters in Pleasantville, NY, not so?
Q: Vladimir Putin is supposedly a Renaissance Man, like Chinese dictator Mou-se Dung before him. But can he cook? --Estate of Graham Kerr
A: Yes, indeed. His piece of resistance he calls Pasta Putinesca.
Q: Isn’t it ironic that Russia used to dominate the Captive Nations, but now they’re free and Russia herself is unfree? --Old Russian Hand
A: That’s the baldest oversimplification The Colonel has heard since “four legs good, two legs bad.” Perhaps we can agree on the formulation "history is awash in ironies"?
Q: Will the dead be raised? --Five Foot Two
A: They will if Yale needs the land.
Q: If we just ignore Death, will Death maybe stop killing people because killing people no longer produces the attention Death craves?
A: No. Death is self-motivated, free of any need for the approval of others.
Q: Karl Knausgaard, a Norwegian guy, is writing a six-volume autobiographical novel about a Norwegian guy writing a six-volume autobiographical novel. The Norwegian title is “Min kamp.” The English title is “My Struggle.” What is the German title? --I'll Do the Asking
A: “Sterben,” which means “to die” or “dying.” "Sterben" is cognate to the English word “starve.”
Q: So why was “Min kamp” translated into German as “Sterben”? --I'll Do the Asking
A: The Colonel is not going to feed you, little troll.
Q: Is there any greater love than to lay down one’s life for a friend?
A: In theory, to lay down one's life for an enemy, but it's a real question whether one for whom one lays down one’s life is truly an enemy. Maybe an enemy is just a friend for whom you haven't yet laid down your life.
Q: Something is driving me crazy. You are my last hope. What is this plague of people starting sentences with “So”? --Ready to Jump Off a Bridge
A: Who lives hoping, dies hoping. The Colonel doesn't know the origin of this plague, but is ready to jump off the bridge with you. Here’s a knock-knock joke of the new order:
So, knock, knock.
So, who’s there?
So, Two who?
So, actually, it’s “to whom.”