Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Untraceable Ways to Get Co-Workers Fired -- The Colonel Carries On #84

by J.R.R. Tuchas, Sedona Trinkets, Margarita Wings, Eunika Burns, Amber Beata, Freida Rothman, D. Funkt, Bonnie Delaney, Phantasma Geist, and L.G.B.T.Q. Bach

Epigraph: “You are too intelligent to beleef in Gott.” --Ayn Rand’s first words upon meeting William F. Buckley, Jr.

Epigraph 2: “Just an ordinary dead man wearing a green dress and chains.” --Anne Perry

Clint Eastwood in eighth grade. This was a while back.

Over the weekend in the Wall Street Journal, possibly the best newspaper in the world, Wesleyan University President Michael Roth called for “affirmative action for the study of conservative ideas” (according to a subhead in the print edition of the essay). Roth wrote in part:

“Another new initiative for intellectual diversity, launched with the support of one our trustees, has created an endowment of more than $3 million for exposing students at Wesleyan to ideas outside the liberal consensus. [Emphasis added.]

“This fall our own academic departments and centers will begin offering courses and programs to cover topics such as ‘the philosophical and economic foundations of private property, free enterprise and market economies’ and ‘the relationship of tolerance to individual rights, freedom and voluntary association.’”

Do I have this right? Private property, free enterprise, market economics, tolerance, individual rights, freedom, and voluntary association are “outside the liberal consensus”? Any dissent from that proposition?

Genetically perfect tomato makes it easier for fans to direct fastballs, breaking balls, and changeups to underperforming opera singers,

Remember the idea of the classic Volkswagen Beetle? Don’t change things from year to year for fashion’s sake. Make changes only for the sake of improvement? I think there’s money to be made in picking some 1950s Mercedes body style, giving it modern mechanics and electronics, and sticking with it for decades.

I’ve heard that one car commentator has said that Honda has priced its fabulous new Accord way too low. Maybe the Accord will be the new VW Bug.

The delay in putting out this number of “The Colonel Carries On” was due to travel.

“It takes a mighty good middle seat occupant to be better than none at all.” --modification of Pennsylvania Dutch saying about husbands

One bad thing about an aisle seat is that you get whacked a lot by passers-by, especially if you doze off.

A virtue of window seats: you can snooze ‘n’ lean.

The nice thing about middle seats: zilch. They ought to cost less. Sometimes they do.

Not everyone knows the rule by which the middle sitter is entitled to both arm rests. People have to be taught. That’s why I keep an elbow sharpener in my carryon bag.

The inflight movie was about Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald's, famed for its yellow humps. The film portrayed him as a rotter, as films tend to portray businesspeople. His widow gave a fortune to National Public Radio, because he had hated NPR, and she, too, thought he was a rotter.

Life’s a funny old thing, as Mrs. Thatcher observed shortly after being politically assassinated.

Life's not a bowl of cherries; this photo is proof. Life is more nuanced than that.

Imaginary press conference:

Q: Mr. Vice President, are you content to have everything you say believed as much as your statements that (1) Gen. Flynn discussed no sanctions with the Russian ambassador, and (2) the President fired the showboat Comey solely on the basis of advice from the attorney general and deputy attorney general?

Spelling tip: There are two “que”s in Tlaquepaque.

Zen hypograph: “Don’t do what the old ones did, seek what they sought.”

Zen hypograph 2: “You’ve got mail.”

Zen hypograph 3: “In life, when a door closes, a window opens. Cheese it.”

Zen hypograph 4: “She came in through the bathroom window.”

Zen hypograph 5: “Before enlightenment, a rock is just a rock. After enlightenment, a rock is just a rock.”

Is this just a rock, a summary of all that is, or both?

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