Saturday, January 21, 2017

Everybody Loves Ramen -- The Colonel Carries On #67

By Marietta, Penelope, and Joshua Tree  

😶 Epigraph: “The people have spoken, and now they must be punished.” --Ed Koch

😶 “Johnny Depp’s statement, after Amber Heard ended their 15-month marriage, was blunt: ‘Given the brevity of this marriage and the most recent and tragic loss of his mother, Johnny will not respond to any of the salacious false stories, gossip, misinformation and lies.’ Need I tell you that Depp’s pronunciamento didn’t stop the gossip?” --Doug Camilli; Depp Just Wants to Get This Over With; Montreal Gazette Canada); May 28, 2016.

😶 “In Ireland we say ‘cogar mogar’ as ‘cogar’ means whisper -- we mean ‘Come here ‘til I tell you this on the quiet.’” --Daithi Ryder, Cor an Dola, Ireland

😶 “A number of women who attend or have attended Whitman College are members of the Gamma Gamma chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma in Walla Walla, Washington.” --Carolyn C. Martin, Litchfield, Connecticut

😶 A friend writes: “Another word for ‘verbosity’ is ‘pleonasm.’”

😶 What follows are milk goats. They do not follow the news. They follow their bliss. We can learn from milk goats.

😶 The clown thought himself creative, so instead of a shaving-cream pie, he smacked the guy in the face with a real cherry pie. The result was awful, as if wolves had found the guy’s body and chewed his face. I’m not one of those people scared of clowns, but I took a lesson: avoid creative clowns.” --Roy Marshrigger

😶 “Clandestinely vigorous argument invokes haughty high thoughts of superiority, while her sweet little flower spray (a bumblebee might aim to light here) suggests disorder.” A twelve-hour audiobook of such gibberish does the trick for some insomniacs.

😶 Another expression for “gibberish” is “several croutons short of a word salad.”

😶 “If you’re a member of Congress, and you really think that Trump is not legitimate, you should be introducing Articles of Impeachment immediately. Anything else is just posturing.” --Jim Geraghty

😶 If there are two reasonable ways to express a thought, choose the briefer. Are these both reasonable? (1) “Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.” (2) “Little matters; nothing much.” Ten words against four, so the pull of (2) is strong, but it hasn’t much ear appeal.

😶 If we daren’t stare into the abyss too long, we must refocus onto our own gardens, figuratively or literally. Bridges are vital troll habitats and many are in bad repair. The bridges, I mean. The trolls are pretty healthy.

😶 Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord,
when I will conclude a new covenant with the house of
Israel and the house of Judah.

It will not be like the covenant I made with their fathers
the day I took them by the hand to lead
them forth from the land of Egypt;
for they did not stand by my covenant
and I ignored them, says the Lord.

But this is the covenant I will establish with the house of Israel
after those days, says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their minds
and I will write them upon their hearts.

I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.

And they shall not teach, each one his fellow citizen and kin, saying,
"Know the Lord,"
for all shall know me, from least to greatest.

For I will forgive their evildoing
and remember their sins no more.

😶 The awarders of the Main Booger Prize have been sued for trademark infringement.

😶 There follows the Fox News Diversity Task Force Report.

😶 The female monarch butterfly does not lay its eggs at random. If infected by a parasite, it will choose to lay them on a plant that is fatal to the intruder.

😶 If you’re a Bible-quoter, don’t say anything at the airport that could be misunderstood as “There is a bomb in Gillie's head.”

😶 Federal prisoners can’t have money. Smoking is also forbidden. Common forms of prison currency are cigarettes, pickerel in bags, and ramen bricks.

😶 “Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” --Terry Pratchett

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