“If It Was Good, It’s Gone; If It Was Bad, It’ll Be Back”--Popcorn by The Colonel # 77

Doncha hate Little Mary Sunshines and “morning people”? They plague regular people the way The Birds plagued Tippi Hedren in “The Birds.” If someone with Aladdin’s Lamp wished all the perky people into the cornfield, then regular people could start the day wishing each other a cheerless “Mmpf,” and all would be well, all would be well, all manner of things would be well.

The Greeks had no god like good old two-faced Janus, patron of liars, doorways, and the New Year (“January”). What a divine job description.

Is there a name for the condition in which one feels safer in even-numbered years like 2014 than in odd-numbered years like 2013? The feeling is clearly irrational -- Presidential and Congressional elections occur in even-numbered years, and those don’t generate feelings of safety.

Marshall MacLuhan, the late Canadian intellectual, wrote “Understanding Media” and “The Mechanical Bride” and is best remembered for the saying, “The medium  is the message.” He coined the phrase “the global village” and wrote things like, “Television is an x-ray machine.” There’s a rumor about an unpublished lost item (manuscript? data compilation? multimedia presentation?) entitled “The Boolean Pulpit.” Maybe it will be published in 2014 and change everything. Something will; something always does, so why not a lost manuscript?

“No one is really alive till he has died and all memory of him is erased from the face of time.” --Gnomic saying not by Marshall MacLuhan

Pop quiz: In 2013, did more languages or species go extinct?

The Romans celebrated the solstice festival of “Sol Invictus” (“Unconquered Sun”), who begins his comeback as days start to lengthen. I wonder if Sol’s legend could borrow from Santa’s and have Sol come down each chimney and burn the creosote away. Legends should be useful.

Intriguing headlines:

• Gambler rewards man who returned $300K left in cab

• Pa. Mayor skips ball in favor of City Hall rehab

• NYC transit hubs handle flood of lost items

• Police: No beer led to ceramic squirrel stabbing

• Christmas tree of bottles sparkles in Lithuania

• NORAD tracks Santa logged 19.58 million Web visits

• Deer makes appearance at Pa. sporting goods store

• San Diego sues over stinky sea lion waste

• Surfers dressed as Santa Claus gather in Florida

Zen mondo:

American seeker: “If you follow any way, you will never get there, and if you do not follow any way, you will never get there. So there is a dilemma.” Hisamatsu: “Let the dilemma be your way!”

“It would be so cool if the earth’s crust were made of graham crackers. It would disappear like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.” --Mitch Hedberg

Merry Sixth Day of Christmas. A (real) message from the prime minister of Israel:

“We celebrate Christmas with you. We know the importance you attach to our common heritage, to the State of Israel, and to the City of Jerusalem, where so much of our common history was forged. We have a great past, we have common values, we have the desire to seize a common future of security, prosperity, and peace. So, from the city of peace, Jerusalem, I extend the warmest Christmas greetings to all of you. Merry Christmas.” Back at you, Bibi.

Happy 2014, elections and all. --Col.T.H.Clapping (at) outlook.com