Tuesday, November 19, 2013

“A Burrito is a Sleeping Bag for Ground Beef” -- Popcorn by The Colonel #71

"In our time, political speech and writing are largely the defense of the indefensible."  - George Orwell, 1946

“I said, if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. Period. Didn’t I mention that the word ‘period’ means ‘when monkeys fly out of your ear’?” --Outlier

“‘Getting one’s poops in a group’ is no less vulgar than the expression it attempts to avoid or improve.” --Margery Gorrish

If something is buried on the Red Planet, and you dig it up, have you unmarsed it? --Astrognome

“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.” --Robert Louis Stevenson (died at 44; wish he had lived at least another 30 years; his unfinished novel was cuts above Treasure Island and Kidnapped, which were both really good, though Scottish)

Fleishig and Milchig were both in the restaurant business, but never lunched together or shook hands. Why?

“More people have seen Anthony Weiner’s private parts than have bought insurance in the federal marketplace.” --Outlier

Article headline: “Walmart’s Latest Scheme.” What are the odds that the story will be favorable to Walmart?

“Patience, too, is a form of action.” --Auguste Rodin

“Patience is not the only virtue: they also serve who cannot stand and wait.” --Roy Marshrigger

“What is written without effort is read without pleasure.” --Samuel Johnson

“Who is more to be pitied, a writer gagged by police or one free to write but with nothing more to say?” --Kurt Vonnegut

“Write the truth, however dry, but not dull lies. Lie interestingly. Do not compound mendacity with tedium.” --Quill Press

“Yonder stands your orphan with his gun/ Crying like a fire in the sun.” --Bob Dylan

“Who was sad that the Prodigal Son returned?” “The fatted calf!” --The Merry Christian

“As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler." --Calvin Trillin

“How are the Mets doing today?” --Moe Berg’s last words, 1972

“Go veggie.” --Sir Paul McCartney, on what tribute Linda would have liked best

“Your Computer Could Be a Trisk!” --The Galactic Times

Crow kills on Boston-area roads are mostly from truck impacts, not car impacts, because Boston-area lookout crows can cry “Cah!” but not “Truck!” --Dolly Menurkey

Advice to the stumped poet: “In a pinch you can rhyme ‘hackneyed’ with ‘cack-kneed.’” --Tree Fanatic

“Long afterward, they found my missing horse, but he wasn’t the same.” --Sentence torn from context

“In Australia, ‘floppies’ are called ‘stiffys.’ I don't know where I am going with this.” --entire comment on blog entry on British computer slang site re phrase "floppy disk"

“Language is the only homeland.” -Czeslaw Milosz, writer, Nobel laureate (b. 1911)

Deke Hoven visited Middletown from Amsterdam recently and said we spelled his street name wrong.

“What cannot continue, will stop.” --Herb Stein’s Law

“There is life after losing one of your antennae.” --Little Man from Mars

“What is going on in that bizarre crying baby video?” --Alice Gooteh

“On the issue of gambling revenue, New York is expecting a receding tide to lift all boats.” --Commenter
“Bah! Humblebrag!” --Ebenezer Scrooge, editing press release
“Bath Time for Baby Sloths -- Too Cute” --link we didn’t click
“He’s so out of touch, light from touch takes years to reach him.” --Twisted Sifter
E-mail The Colonel. You know you want to. Just put an @ sign between Col.T.H.Clapping (yes, with the dots) and outlook.com, and Bob’s your uncle (variant: Fanny’s your aunt). Or comment online and share. Please use dashes or asterisks in swear words, or Jen Alexander will clean your crock.

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