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The Colonel of Truth presents "Quotations by Which to Live, None of Which Ends with a Preposition."
"People think there isn't much room at the top. They tend to think of it as an Everest. My message is, there is tons of room at the top." --Margaret Thatcher
"If you are foolish enough to publish an autobiography before you die, be sure to let on that it was an unauthorized autobiography, and that you have broken off relations with the author." --Margery Gorrish
"Believers can be a trial. God often gets on better with atheists, and they with him, than either with believers." --Sir Harry O. Triggerman
"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's the opposite." --John Kenneth Galbraith
"Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at others' mistakes can shorten it." --Cullen Hightower
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car." --Jack Handey
Reactions to news story "German Thieves Steal 5.5 Tons of Nutella":
"I love Nutella as much as anyone, but I can't see myself ever stealing more than a ton of it." --Trudy Haack
“Boy, it’s going to be some job to fence all that Nutella.” -Keith Melazzo
“Another stain on the Fatherland.” --Falco Bachmeier
The fog comes on little cat feet
I really think it does
And when it’s gone I sit and think
’Bout how it used to was.
--restroom wall at Carl Sandburg Museum
"The reason for capitalizing 'Heaven' and 'Hell' is that they're places. You know, like Scarsdale." --Fulton Sheen
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." --Dorothy Parker (attributed)
"Ethelo apothanein." --Sybil
"Everyone believes in something, and everyone, by virtue of believing in something, uses that something to support his existence." --Frank Zappa
"Humor always has a kernel of truth. Have you ever heard a father-in-law joke?" --Dick Clark
"Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story."
--Margaret Thatcher (R.I.P.)
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