Saturday, July 22, 2017

True Popcorn -- The Colonel Carries On #93

by Hummingbird Feeder-Leaks

Epigraph: “Hot summer days are as good a time as any for complete mental decomposition into popcorn.” --Col. T.H. Clapping

Things that might be worth writing about if it weren’t so hot:

LED bulbs.

Forgotten Judaica.

Make up a story to go with this photo. The title of my story is “The Heartless Wedding Photographer.”

Rooks ‘n’ Looks vs. Rocks ‘n’ Locks.

Om Mani Padme Hum.

The morality of eating cephalopods.

Lawnmower as hungry vegetarian: the future of metaphor.

Esperanto can be (and has been) improved, but its failure to catch fire isn't due to fixable shortcomings.

“Amee Runs With Scissors” is a thing.

Beinecke Rare Book Library vs. OSHA.

A written language with no spoken counterpart.

Moleskine notebooks.

Waterproof notebooks where the ink won’t run if the pages get wet. Indiana Jones stuff.

Mnemonic devices that enable one to memorize pages of random ones and zeros (binary numbers).

A room-temperature 50-foot-diameter bubble at the center of the Earth. Would a person float in the center of it?

Zen Cohen.

Sal’s Sure Apizza Work, LLC.

Dee-Dee Dewanny-Damage.


The joke that got an econ professor fired.

The Elihu Root Canal.

Solo Tango.

Witness Perfection Program.


867-5309 can be a song or half-Czech lamb soup” in a mnemonic system.

Yell “Free Bird” at all concerts, including the opera. Saul Alinsky would have.

The 30-30-30 rule: a 30-mph wind at 30 degrees above your body heat can mummify you in 30 seconds.
Minneapolis is the best place for an intercoastal connecting flight, because it’s roughly the midpoint.

You can’t afford the luxury of a negative thought.

Poet Laureate of Middletown -- how’s she doing?

"Beat cop" as "hipster policeman," giving out poems, not tickets, man.

“I’ll catch you with my death bag. You may think I’ve gone insane, but I promise I will kill again.”

“When you see me again, it won’t be me.”

The house that Caligula built.

What is the cosine of New Zealand?

James and the Giant Peach-Colored Motorcycle.

Using two gallons of Coca-Cola four times a year to keep the shower drain running freely.

“Let my burdens carry me” (I’m tired of carrying them).

Complinsult. Compliment/insult. "You don't sound like a Texan."
Amazing bass, how great thou art.

Costco’s Kirkland brand chardonnay and merlot-cabernet blend are good, and the price makes the value very good.

Almonds, pecans, and walnuts cost the earth. Don't even mention macadamia nuts. Darn the Scot who invented them.

"A witty saying proves nothing." --Voltaire

Voltaire wanted a reformed monarchy and an end to the influence of the Church. Not democracy -- a rabble is ever a rabble.

We tend to admire Athens, but in ancient times, Sparta was more admired. Laconic, too.

Creative destruction (German: schöpferische Zerstörung) is  sometimes known as “Schumpeter's gale.”

The “Engels pause” is sometimes discussed with Luddism.

When the war ends, Rosie the Riveter loses her job to a returning soldier.

If social justice “warriors” do social justice work, why not call them social justice “workers”?

“It’s the bees and spiders again, Mr. President.”

Rationality is a choo-choo that goes all the way to Crazy Town. The trick is to get off before that last stop.

The code name for the secret iPhone project was Purple.

What if mutually exclusive conspiracy theories are all true, but nobody is telling us?

Every intact human body has a head, said the guillotine sharply.

A wheel lock makes a rolling table more useful.

On my bed table is an unabridged dictionary, because I can’t sleep near anything abridged.

Just put your life on the line, and you’ll rest easy.

Meet the authors of the U.S. Constitution. Read "The Federalist."

When heckled, Steve Martin would say, “Isn’t it sad when cousins marry?”

Zen hypograph: "Turn upside down and then, very carefully, balance the earth in both hands."

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