By Pouring Milk Into An Ice Cube Tray, She Created a Genius Life Hack--The Colonel Carries On # 75

by Claire O’Claddagh and Theresa FitzFiddlesticks

Epigraph: “I am big -- it’s the pictures that got small.” --Norma Desmond

I don’t know what the genius life hack was, but my best speculation is milk ice cubes, to put into a glass of scotch, to make a nice cold scotch and milk, with an incentive to down the drink before the cubes melt too much. Who volunteers to test the idea?

Ice cube trays should be designed to double as egg cartons.

“We all want progress,” C.S. Lewis wrote, “but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, [whoever] turns back soonest is the most progressive.”

It’s easy to shout, “We’re going the wrong way!” It’s another thing to convince the caravan to turn around.

No, wait:

Growing up, I learned, “Patriotism good, nationalism bad.” Nationalism was like jingoism, which was like chauvinism, a blind attachment to one’s country, which one believe superior to all others. Jingoism emphasized the aggressive foreign policy, by Jingo.

French chauvinisme, from chauvin warmonger (after Chauvin, a very patriotic soldier in La Cocarde tricolore, play written 1831 by Charles T. and Jean Hippolyte Cogniard, after Nicolas Chauvin, flourished 1815 legendary French soldier very devoted to Napoleon) + -isme -ism).

Turning to his family's German roots, [Mr. X, whose wife does not live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue] said he was proud to have had ancestors from Germany and that he loved Germany. Asked about character traits he would link to his German roots, [Mr. X] said he liked order and strength.

Bow tie vs. Four-in-hand smackdown: let hand-to-hand combat between stars decide! Look out, Leo, Dirty Harry has a gun! And stop cuttin’ your eyes! Makes you look L. Ron Hubbardy.

“But it has been sunny, which is nice, because without the good lighting, you’d never be able to catch the subtlety of the blue in your fingertips or watch bits of your soul wander out of your nostrils.”

And the Wee Kapaug Inn Gets a Bit Weeer

And now the news:

87% Of Loud Crashing Noises Are Nothing, Report Top Experts From Other Room

‘This Women’s Strike Didn’t Accomplish Anything,’ Reports Man Who Is Boycotting ‘Avengers’ Movie

High School Athlete Walking Around on Crutches Like Fallen Hero

The Government Will Keep Your Personal Information Secure If You’ll Testify Against the Mafia

Helpful Man Saves Woman Trouble of Telling Boss Idea Herself

Mitch McConnell Sees Infinite Healthcare Plans After Dropping Acid To Inspire Ideas For Obamacare Replacement

Hypograph: “Zen is easy; people are difficult.”

Popcorn by The Colonel and The Colonel Carries On are productions of Quality Nonsense, a tiny little division of The Entropy Corporation. “Keeping It Fake Since Before the Internet Was a Thing”