The Holiday Tradition Inspired by a Cannibalistic Witch -- The Colonel Carries On #60

By Ron E. R. Beau & Day Z. Mame

Epigraph: "Will you disturb the world around you or let it go on as if you had never shown up?" --after Ann Patchett, writer b. 2 Dec 1963

Disambiguation: The vampire duck named “Quacula” introduced in "The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse and Heckle & Jeckle" is not to be confused with Count Duckula from "Danger Mouse" and its spinoff, the animated comedy-drama dark fantasy television series "Count Duckula."

Neither should be confused with "Count Chocula" ("I want to eat your cereal"), who is not a duck at all.

Even farther out of the mix is "Count Choculitis," the eighth cut on "Creatures," the Motionless in White album (Chris Motionless on lead vocals).

What a relief to clear that up. As Albert Einstein may have said, “Keep everything as straight as possible, but not straighter.”

Common Council Mulls Permanent Car Ban South of Washington

Street -- Mill Rate Hikes to Replace Parking Revenue

A dear friend scorns climate change deniers and favors a U.S. carbon tax to replace other forms of federal taxation. It would create a huge, revenue-neutral incentive for conservation and innovation by governments and free markets, he says.

I’m skeptical because the proposal seems to go for the capillaries.

Animal agriculture is responsible for 18% of all greenhouse gas emissions, more than the combined exhaust from all transportation. (Transportation causes only 13% of all greenhouse gas emissions.)

Livestock and their byproducts account for at least 32 billion tons of carbon dioxide, or 51% of all worldwide greenhouse gas emissions.

Methane is 25-100 times more destructive than carbon dioxide over 20 years. The global warming potential of methane is 86 times that of carbon dioxide over 20 years.

U.S. methane emissions from livestock and from natural gas are nearly equal. Cows produce 150 billion gallons of methane per day.

Just raising animals -- never  mind fossil fuel use -- will push us over our 565 gigatons carbon dioxide limit by 2030.

Wind and solar? Converting to them will take more than 20 years and cost about $43 trillion. Immediately reducing methane emissions would create immediate tangible benefits.

The benefits of ending livestock agriculture worldwide are not just on global warming. If you worry about water pollution, species destruction, oceanic dead zones, and habitat destruction, the case for ending livestock agriculture worldwide grows even stronger. But that's a digression.

The issue is, if you believe (1) human activity is changing the climate, and (2) it’s not already too late to avert catastrophe, what measures are called for? U.S. carbon tax or global end to animal agriculture (= everybody’s a vegetarian)?

If it’s already too late to avert climate catastrophe, a U.S. carbon tax would be like slamming on the brakes when the car has already shot off the cliff. If that's the case, we'll need our bacon.

“What? Earth has left its orbit and is heading for interstellar space? That may solve global warming at a stroke!”

The scene was The Home Depot in Middletown. I needed help and approached a store employee, saying, “I wonder if you can help me.” He looked at me and said, “Take a hike.” A stunned moment later I realized I was wearing my Bruce Trail Association “Take A Hike” t-shirt. The risk-taking employee turned out to be funny and helpful.

Teachers Demand Robotic Updates to Break Rooms

Psychopaths can regret bad decisions but cannot learn from them. Don’t be like a psychopath -- learn from your bad decisions. Better yet, learn from other people’s bad decisions. That way, you may never meet a bounty hunter except as a Rotary speaker.

The Leader Nominates Androgynous Golden Magic Frog for Secretary of Extreme Vetting. Frog: “Honored”

Cartesian Zen: “If you think you might be, you probably are.”