Do You Long for Another, Better Earth? -- The Colonel Carries On #48

By Emily Zola and Emil Nightrate

Epigraph: “We are digitally remastered Pokemon from the future who have come back to warn you. That is all.”

The last episode drew a comment that the commenter clicked under the misapprehension that the story was an expression of sympathy for the eminent local journalist and photographer Cassandra Day.

That actually was the thought that give birth to the post as it ran. One thing leads to another, and that goes double, if ever so slowly, within the colonelic mind.

Which has re-decomposed, so this episode will have the coherence of a bowlful of ball bearings spilled onto the dance floor at Vinnie’s Jump & Jive.

Chuckleworthily wicked is a vendor contract that promises to do a thing, but in the fine print disclaims liability for not doing it.

When copyrights expire, no law bans mash-ups like “Tess of the Baskervilles” and “The Hound of the D’Urbervilles.” Better even than “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”

Parve rhymes with larva.

Viscount Falkland said four centuries ago, “When it is not necessary to change, it is necessary not to change.” Very conservative.

Credit: Sydney Adams

Check out the grammar in this quotation: “I played a Valley Girl, which I didn’t even know what that was.” --Pamela Avelon

Speaking of quotations, here a few more African proverbs followed sometimes by my comments and speculations.

“Wisdom hidden in the heart is like a light in a jug.” Resonance: lightning in a bottle. Probable cognate: Don’t hide your lamp under a bushel basket.

“A wise person is one who listens to advice.” Does “listen to” mean “follow”? Possible meaning: first gather advice, then ponder it, then decide for yourself what to do.

“Do not waste your time looking for soft ground to drive your spade into.” If a hard job needs doing, be about it?

“A man is known by his manners, not his clothes.” Probably does not mean “you can count on people not to judge by superficial things.”

“Grasp tightly what is real in life.” Not Zippy’s motto.

“The tree that is not taller than you does not shade you.” Don’t go around saying you have good judgment. Say you rely on the best people. Then when things go pear-shaped, you can say they let you down.

“The person who follows the warthog’s trail risks meeting the lion.” Too obvious for comment. Not.

“A precious jewel may be found in a ragged bag.”  A warning not to judge by superficial things. Don’t judge a book by its sober cover; it may still be lurid inside.

“The world has not made a promise to anyone.” Cf. Mark Twain: “The world owes us nothing; it was here first.”

“If you ride a lion, consider carefully how you want to get off.” What’s that limerick about the smiling young lady from Riga?

“An onion offered with love is worth a sheep.” Love beats money? God loves the poor?

“Never rub bottoms with a porcupine.” Don’t fight out of your league? Don’t wrestle with a pig, because you get filthy and the pig loves it?

“The snail leaves a trail wherever it goes.” Slimy is as slimy does?

“The one who asks for the path will not lose his way.” This one is deep: what is the good of prayer? Why on earth would God want us to pray to him when s/he knows what we need?

“Let us be thankful for those who make us happy for they make our souls blossom.” Redundant? Or is happiness a spiritual good? Maybe that’s what the saying means, but if so, it’s not true.

“Do like the Nile -- protect your sources.” What does liking the Nile have to do with journalism?

“Generosity has no regrets.” Rock solid. Giving heals the giver, and forgiving helps the forgiver. Alms atone for sins.

“The viper assumes the colors of its surroundings.” Paranoia is good? Hidden enemies surround you?

The clickbait “Do you long for a better world?” reminded me of the little noticed movie “Another Earth” from a few years back. The premise is that an identical Earth appears in Earth-1’s sky, but the histories of the two planets begins to diverge from the instant of the appearance. Here’s a pic related to it:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The preceding item of text art looks like Atlas holding up a flat earth. This is very weak evidence, though, not at all like a trout in the milk.

Jill Bunior Smith said her middle name is not a maiden name or a family name. “If I had been a boy, I would have been ‘Bill Junior.’ When I turned out to be a girl, Dad just Spoonerized the two names to ‘Jill Bunior.’ It was laziness more than anything else. In elementary school I was called ‘Bunny.’ Did I mention that I hate my father? Kidding.”

Most Japanese schools do not employ janitors or custodians. The Japanese education system believes that requiring students to clean the school themselves teaches respect, responsibility, and equality.