If You Wanna Hang Out, You Gotta Take ‘Er Out -- Romaine (The Colonel Carries On # 21)

by Folsen Prism

Fish are as easy to count as trees, if trees were invisible and moved.

Trees don’t have faces, but artists have imagination and license.

Only Lazarus died twice. Once on Oscar night.

“An army is a dialect with an army and a navy.” --quoted by Max Weinreich, linguist

Ukrainian and Russian are distinct languages, Western linguists agree. Russia officially insists that Ukrainian is a rural dialect of Russian and calls it “Little Russian.”

There’s a saying that “there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.” Language, a free gift from the dead, may be an exception to the rule.

If we think of fish and other marine life as wild animals, we may find ways to persecute them less harshly. Cod fishing was banned just in time to be too late for them ever to bounce back.

Putin uses an interpreter when talking to Ukrainian speakers (Victor Yushchenko, left).

Whales claim that Dolphin is a dialect of Whale and call it “Little Whale.” Flipper says in reply, “Chick, chick, skreeeeeeeeeeee!”

Conspiracy theorists say something has been removed from the Donald’s head. Hair evidence suggests the opposite.

Are people who fear clowns also afraid of ventriloquists’ dummies?

What is the intended readership of “Ventriloquism for Dummies”? People who live in Uncanny Valley?

“We loved Goofy, but he wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. We wouldn’t be here honoring his memory if he hadn’t tried taking a selfie with his car’s backup camera.”

Popular media (comics, movies) can turn a figure of fear into a figure of hope of rescue.

Clickbait gleanings: 

Cleaning Products You Should NEVER Mix;

This Cute Garden Shed Has a Sweet Schoolhouse Vibe; 

Snooki and Her Husband Just Added "House Flippers" to Their Resume; 

10 Things You Should Do in Your Kitchen Tonight to Make Tomorrow Better; Hooked Together With a Can Tab, Two Hangers Eat Up Way Less Closet Space;

Shabby Chic Your Rich Friends Will Envy; 

13 Classic Video Games You Can Play Right Now in Your Web Browser; 

The Microwave Oven Was Invented by Accident.

“I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.” --Homer Simpson

“Sometimes beer loosens the tongue and the words flow. Other times it stills the tongue and the snores flow. Usually it fills the bladder and the water flows. Over the sphincter about which we cannot speak we must pass in silence. If only the beer drinker would do the same.” --Harry Grimgorse

“Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.” --Friederich Nietzsche

“If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.” 
--Albert Einstein

Another take on the Quackalope.

“They say you never know, but I’m not so sure.” --Roy Marshrigger

Zen P.S.:

Don’t kill that poor fly!

He cowers, wringing

his hands for mercy.

Plato P.P.S.: 

“No one teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.”