“Putrid Piffle” Has Been Translated As “Rotten Nonsense” -- The Colonel Carries On #19

by Lefton “Lefty” McGee

Epigraph: “I no like nobody but I polite everybody.” --Yolanda Squatpump

The greatest novel ever is War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. The problem with disagreeing is that you you have to specify a novel that’s better and no one can.

Which is not to say W&P can’t be improved, or at least mined. On the model of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, how about War and Peace and Zombies?

Opera lovers: don’t miss “Cosi fan tutte, or They’ll Do It Every Time” with music by WAM and libretto by Jimmy Hatlo. Now playing in Sarasota, Florida.

The European Union is largely unarmed.

Real men don’t follow celebrities on Twitter.

Real men don’t dance the Hully Gully unless they just bought a new or used car at a really great price. Then even the Boogaloo is permissible.

Dan McLaughlan writes: “The highlight of my law school career was when Justice Scalia accepted an invitation from our Criminal Law class to come debate our professor, Alan Dershowitz. They stood literally toe to toe, and it was the only time I ever saw either argued to a standstill. Scalia, predictably, at one point whipped out his pocket Constitution and declared theatrically that Dershowitz was asserting ‘something that isn’t in my copy!’” --Dan McLaughlin

“Scalia was visiting the law school at Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge. A student mentioned to him, ‘My roommates and I bought some fish. We named one after you.’ Scalia said, ‘Oh, so you called him Nino, did you?’ ‘No,’ said the student. ‘We call him Justice Scalia.’ ‘Well, what about the other fish?’said Scalia. Replied the student, ‘Justice Scalia ate them.’” --Jay Nordlinger

Genetically modified manatees are still cute.