You Hurt My Feelings, And I Think You Meant To -- The Colonel Carries On #10

by Phineas Fogg and Phlebotemas Pitt

Epigraph: "You can do as you wish, of course, but in December of each year I have my class compose original Christmas poetry. I call the unit 'Let It Scan, Let It Scan, Let It Scan.'" –Professor Dendridge in "The Only Other Way"

Separated at birth?

Ted Cruz (left) and Joe McCarthy

Benito Mussolini (top) and Donald Trump?

Benito Mussolini (top) and Screamin’ Jay Hawkins?

The furnace stopped, a fact we noted only at about 1:30 a.m. when we awoke wondering why the place was so chilly. As we were up dealing with that, the cat rejoiced, saying, “O frabjous night! I am nocturnal and now you too have seen the light! (As it were.)” Yes, when our cat speaks, he includes remarks in parentheses. Does yours?

Omnibud is everybody’s friend. Maybe also a beer thing.

“The whole megillah” means “the entire scroll and not just a selection from it,” and figuratively, a long involved account or story. Cf. long shrift, short shrift, Latin scribere, to write; see scribe, scribble.

People claim to have been short-changed but never long-changed or tall-changed. If you have ever wondered about that, tell no one, lest you be accused of having too much time on your hands. (Best to respond aggressively: “Better time on my hands than blood on my hands, like you!”)

The name of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon character “Magilla Gorilla” may have been inspired by the Hebrew word. Who knows?

Some people boast, “I’m not a talker, I’m a doer” (or possibly, “I’m not a thinker, I’m a Dewar”).

“Doer, noun, American: a perpetrator of a crime; a suspected criminal. The term, a synonym of perp, is probably a shortening of 'wrongdoer' in police jargon.”

So Carly Fiorina had better be careful with the “men are talkers but women are doers” meme.

Another reason for the same caution is that “doer” has a vulgar sense, too, as in “She’s not a ten, but she’s a doer.”

The Gallatin County (Montana) Sheriff's Office reports for Wednesday, December 16, included the following: “A deputy saw a driver struggling to get his vehicle out of his driveway due to the berm of snow left by plows. The deputy stopped traffic so the driver could build up momentum and get out.”

Reading for comprehension quiz: Did the deputy stop traffic because he or she was so good-looking or so ugly? (Choose one.)

(a) Good-looking;

(b) Ugly;

(c) Both;

(d) Neither;

(e) All of the above.

For extra credit, do a dramatic imitation of a driver building up momentum and getting out.

“Get out!” is a common expression of disbelief (and, less commonly, of exorcism). “Go ’way” is a British Isles variant. Both versions can dismiss even information from the horse’s mouth, particularly the horse in on which the informant rode.

“The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” -Steve Biko, anti-apartheid activist (1946-1977)

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;

None but ourselves can free our minds.”

--Bob Marley, Redemption Songs

Here’s a link to a moving instrumental version of the Supremes’ “My World Is Empty Without You.” The baritone saxophonist’s stage moves and entire demeanor are eerily reminiscent of Diana Ross’s: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X9dtfeV1mQ

Somebody referred to “the late Diana Ross” and somebody else said, “Diana Ross is still alive.” The original speaker replied, “Yeah, but she’s not here yet, so she’s late.”

Zen meditation text: “‘Great,’ no one replied.”

Hypograph: "We have seen your drawing of a plains torus, Boris. Now draw a forest torus for us." --Professor Dendridge in "The Only Other Way"